Stay and Drown
by Shedemei
Summary: Finished! New chapter takes place after the ep Birthmark. Raven is relaxing when a casual conversation with Starfire turns into a confrontation over the real story of Raven’s birth. And Raven is worried about Starfire’s reaction to the truth.
1. Stay and Drown

Stay and Drown

Summary: Takes place after _Switched_. Starfire takes Raven up on her offer to go to the mall after the two girls are done meditating. The ditzy alien and the emotionless Goth…who knows what might happen…

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would be a way for Raven to force Trigon to leave her alone forever, Beast Boy would have a moped, Terra would be alive (but not paired off with Beast Boy), there would be more episodes with Blackfire in them, and Slade would NOT be working for Trigon. So needless to day, I don't own the show.

Pairings: RaeStar

Author's Notes: Yeah, it's shoujo-ai, but it's pretty mild, and not fluffy. And the girls may be slightly OOC, because I haven't seen many TT eps…just, like, 10 or so…whatever. Tell me if they're OOC, okay? (Aside from the shoujo-ai aspect, obviously.) The song I use in this fic is (doy) Finger Eleven's _Stay and Drown._ Good song, and I thought it fit. Oh yeah, and this fic definitely won't make as much sense if you haven't seen the ep.

* * *

_Why did I suggest this again? _Raven wondered. 

Starfire was holding her hand, tugging her through the small foyer between the first and second sets of doors leading to the mall. Raven wrinkled her nose slightly; there were always chain-smokers expelling grey, acrid clouds in the foyer, because there was no smoking allowed in the mall.

"Please hurry, Raven! I am eager to try the Earth custom of shopping with a friend!" Starfire cried happily, oblivious to the rancid smoke.

"I'll hurry, but only because I hate secondhand smoke." Raven sighed in her usual dry monotone. She had been hoping that the meditation would calm Starfire down before their mall expedition. Shopping with a not-so-hyper Starfire might not be so bad.

But obviously, Raven's hypothesis hadn't been quite as accurate as she'd hoped.

"Oooh, where shall we go first?" Starfire squealed joyfully. Quite a few other shoppers stared, distracted first by Starfire's outdoor voice, and then by the fact that two popular teen heroines were standing in the mall just like anyone else. A little girl in a stroller pointed a chubby finger at the two teenagers and yelled (in a voice that sounded oddly like Starfire's), "Teen Ti'ns!"

"Star, maybe we should have changed." Raven mumbled. She indicated her navy-colored cape and Starfire's loud, purple, obviously not Earth-style skirt and halter-top. "We stick out like a raven and a hummingbird in a field of sparrows."

Starfire (of course) didn't care. "Raven, I am thirsty. Might we try a place Beast Boy recommended…the 'Bucks of Star?'"

"You mean Starbucks?" Raven shuddered at the thought of Starfire on caffeine. Considering that Beast Boy was the source of Starfire's idea, getting the alien caffeine-high was probably the intention. "On one condition."

"What?" Starfire's attractive features were arranged into a picture of confusion. "Condition, similar to air conditioner?"

_Where in the name of Azar did she get _that Raven wondered. _Have Cyborg and Beast Boy been confusing her on purpose or something?_ "Starfire, it means that there's something you need to agree to before I'll go."

"What is the…con-di-tion?"

"Try decaf."

"Friend Raven, what is this 'decaf' of which you speak?"

"I means," Raven explained, irritation seeping into her voice, "that you'll get coffee that doesn't have caffeine in it. Caffeine…" _I'll make it easy for her._ "Caffeine will make you go insane."

"That does not sound pleasant," Starfire said hesitantly.

"Exactly. So you should get decaf."

"Thank you for the warning, Raven, I will," the Tamaranian promised.

"And, Star?"

"Yes?"

"You can let go of my hand now."

After the two girls had found Starbucks (and Raven had taught Starfire a lesson in reading Earth maps, especially those with arrows saying "YOU ARE HERE" found in malls) Starfire ordered a decaf cappuccino (Raven had to help her pronounce it) and Raven, as usual, had tea. Starbucks didn't have her preferred kind, though, so she decided to try a Japanese tea called _chazriki_. Supposedly, it was good for suppressed rage; the kind of thing Raven would need on a mall trip with Starfire.

The two girls sipped their drinks, Raven slowly and methodically, Starfire sporadically, speaking absentmindedly to Raven between swallows.

"Friend Raven? Are you listening to me?"

"Not really," Raven replied honestly, setting her cup on the surface of the table. "What?"

Starfire interlaced her long fingers and glanced shiftily into her lap. "I…am not sure if I know the correct way to say this…"

"What's wrong, Star?" The alien princess was almost never like this. But despite the fact that Starfire was obviously troubled, Raven hastily squashed her concern. This wasn't the greatest place for her powers to make things explode.

"Were you truly thinking of me not talking? When you were in my body, trying to fly? Does my voice displease you?"

Raven inhaled deeply. She should have known that telling Starfire what she was thinking when she was able to fly would hurt the Tamaranian's feelings. Starfire could be sensitive as a baby. "I don't mind your voice. But we were in a difficult situation, and you were talking a lot, and it was distracting."

Starfire hung her head slightly. "I apologize."

In spite of herself, a small pang of guilt stirred in Raven's chest. Her napkin flew off the table and into the ceiling. "It's not your fault. You just talk a lot. It's the way you are."

"And that annoys you?" Starfire sounded surprisingly plaintive. Since when did she care so much about what Raven thought?

"It did at that time." Raven admitted. "Don't feel bad."

Starfire smiled tremulously. "But there is something else…"

"What's wrong?"

Starfire bit her lip and took another drink for her plastic Starbucks cup before asking her question. "Why are you so displeased when I hug you? Do you not enjoy my friendship?"

Another surprising question. Raven hadn't known that Star put so much stock in Raven's opinion. "Don't be stupid, Starfire. Of course I don't mind that you're my friend. I just mind that you practically crush my ribs when you hug me. And you know I don't really like being hugged by anybody."

"Oh…well, Robin also expresses unhappiness when I hug him. Do you believe it is because I 'crush his ribs?'"

"Probably. You're a lot stronger than you look." Raven almost added, "Don't worry, Robin is crazy about you, you know," but at the last second, decided not to.

"Raven…could you please show me how to hug you…I mean, Robin…without causing injury?"

Was she serious? In the middle of Starbucks? Well, she was _Starfire_. Outrageous little alien.

Raven stood. _I can't believe I'm doing this._ "You're going to have to stand up."

Starfire obeyed, and Raven approached her. Starfire was just slightly taller than Raven. Trying to quash the conflicting emotions of sympathy, embarrassment, and something Raven couldn't identify, she spoke. "It goes something like this…"

The smaller girl carefully slipped one arm around Starfire's slim waist, and lightly draped the other arm around her neck, letting the alien girl lean into the embrace. Raven found suddenly that her head rested perfectly on Starfire's shoulder.

Starfire stiffened abruptly, letting out a sharp sigh.

"Are you okay, Starfire?"

The Tamaranian relaxed, slowly slipping her arms underneath Raven's cloak to wrap around her back. "I am fine, Raven. Is this right?"

To say the least, Raven wasn't used to such an intimate position, especially one so close to Starfire. Well, Raven hadn't experienced a gentle embrace from the overly hyper alien, anyway. "Yeah, Star…you're doing fine…" Raven's voice had a deeper rasp than usual. _No…I can't be enjoying this…this can't be happening…Starfire is _not_ holding me this gently, she's not stroking my back like that…oh God…_

Starfire slowly ran her hand up and down Raven's spine, wondering if she was doing it correctly. She felt Raven's chest press into hers as the Azarathean inhaled deeply. "Friend, am I hurting you?"

"Not at all."

_I have to get out of this before I make something explode._

"Starfire, you can let go of me now."

"Am I not pleasing you?" Starfire whispered in a tone of considerable dismay.

"My powers can be volatile when I feel anything, remember? You experienced that firsthand today."

Slowly, Starfire let Raven go, letting her fingertips brush the telepath's waist. _What is she trying to do? _Raven thought, trying to make sense of the alien's actions. She sat back down, trying to appear as though the past minute hadn't had any effect on her. Starfire was less successful. Her cheeks were flushed and she was avoiding eye contact with Raven. _Being me and having my stupid powers probably confused her_, Raven decided, going back to her tea.

The two girls sat in silence for a while. Raven would have been lying if she didn't notice the absence of Starfire's happy, absentminded chatter. She had expected to enjoy (or at least, as close as she can get to "enjoying") Starfire not talking, but she almost missed the other girl's incessant babble. It wasn't like her to be so reclusive.

Starfire placed her empty cup on the table and finally spoke. "Raven, I am finished. Might we commence with the shopping now?"

Raven took a final sip of her _chazriki_. The soothing warmth helped her quell the emotions she'd been battling a few minutes ago. "Where do you want to go?" Raven suddenly pictured Starfire dragging her into some preppy store like **Abercrombie & Fitch **and trying to get her to wear pink. If something like that happened, Raven could only hope the _chazriki_ would keep her from breaking windows.

"I do not know," Starfire admitted. "You know the earthly shopping places better than I."

_Is she serious? Last time she went shopping she tried to buy the whole mall…_"I don't get out much either," Raven reminded her. "But there is one store that I like." She actually almost smiled at the thought of Starfire in her favorite store. This was going to be good.

"What is this store?"

"Hot Topic."

Being herself, Starfire didn't know anything about Hot Topic. Raven led her through the mall's wide corridors, predicting the look on Starfire's face when she saw the inside of Raven's favorite store.

"Here we are." Raven said in her usual monotone, glancing up at the crimson, gothic-style letters over the entrance to the store.

"Oh…my," Starfire whispered. "How strange…there are no places like this on Tamaran."

"Come on. I'll show you around."

Tentatively, Starfire followed Raven into the dark interior. Music blared inside: Finger Eleven's "Stay and Drown."

_If I wait to wake you I'll never ask you  
__Would you take my hand in the deepest end?  
__Would you stay and drown in me?  
__Take my hand in the deepest end  
__My open eyes see everything_

Raven strolled around with the casual ease of a veteran Hot Topic shopper, studying a rack of shirts that read: "I'm a nice person. Come closer." Sweetypuss, the psychotic kitten, was standing over the words, holding an axe.

"Hey, the prep store's that way." A dark-eyed girl with red-streaked hair and a Sum 41 T-shirt standing behind the counter pointed at Starfire. Starfire blinked in confusion.

"Were you addressing me?"

"She's with me, Kat," Raven said, drifting over to Starfire.

"Well, hey, Rae," Kat grinned. "Haven't seen you in a while."

"I've been busy."

"Yeah, I know, little miss Teen Titan. But tell your friend she's got to get out of that ensemble and into a decent band shirt if she wants to stay."

The corners of Raven's mouth almost turned up. Kat had a tendency to do that.

"Come on, Star. We can find something for you." Raven took Starfire by the arm and led her to the rack of shirts she'd been examining. "Here, Starfire. This one's pink, but it will do."

Raven handed Starfire another Sweetypuss T-shirt; this one depicted the wide-eyed, Gothic cat with her arms spread, saying, "Your soul is mine and I'll take some candy too."

Starfire read the words aloud and laughed brightly. "That is much more humorous than any of Beast Boy's jokes!"

"Do you have any money, Starfire?" Knowing her, she'd forgotten that you needed money to shop.

"Why yes, I do." Starfire sounded surprised that she'd remembered. Raven was too.

"Do you have 20, then? This shirt costs 18.95."

"I believe so."

"Okay." Raven walked to the wall of the store dedicated to music T-shirts. She selected a black Evanescence tank top with Amy Lee sitting cross-legged on the front. "I was wondering when these would come in."

She tried to turn around, but Starfire was right behind her. Raven stifled a yelp, and her hair flew up and briefly took the shape of her namesake avian. Raven hastily smoothed her violet locks, asking irritably, "Star, what are you doing?"

"I did not wish to be directed to the 'prep store' again."

Raven shook her head. "Let's go try these on." She led the taller girl to the back of the store where the fitting rooms were. She opened the door to the girls' room for Starfire. "You can go first."

Slowly, Starfire slipped inside and Raven closed the door. But of course, Starfire couldn't do anything related to Earth-shopping by herself. "Raven? Will you please enter? I require your assistance."

Raven sighed and opened the door, entering the room. "What?"

"The clasp on my top is stuck. Will you please undo it for me?" Starfire turned so her back was to Raven and pulled her thick auburn mane aside.

The faintest of red tinges rose to Raven's cheeks. "Can't you do it yourself? I mean, I'm your friend, but don't you think that's a bit _strange_ to ask your friend to help take your shirt off?" _Of course she doesn't. She's Starfire_.

"I apologize…I did not…I am sorry." Starfire said weakly. "I was not aware this situation would make you uncomfortable."

Raven almost left, but something in the alien's voice compelled her stay. She sounded even more hurt than earlier that day when Raven had confessed that "you not talking" was her happy thought.

"It's okay, Star." Raven moved closer and gently tugged at the clasp below the nape of Starfire's neck. "This really is stuck…" Raven pinched the cloth of Starfire's shirt closer to the clasp before pulling again. The clasp came undone and Raven brushed the soft material away from her friend's shoulders.

"Thank you, friend." Starfire smiled as Raven's warm hands lingered on her shoulders for just a millisecond longer than necessary.

"It's nothing." Raven left.

Starfire emerged a few seconds later, wearing her Sweetypuss T-shirt. It was a size too small, but hugged Starfire's body slightly rather than hanging loosely and awkwardly.

"Nice." Raven commented, surprising both herself and Starfire by not sounding sarcastic at all.

Starfire flushed a little. "Thank you, Raven. Your turn." She held the door open for Raven. The telepath slipped inside and quickly removed her long cloak to slip the tank top over her head. She examined her reflection. The top did not suit her long-sleeved, legless leotard, but that wasn't the point. And it also wasn't really what Raven was looking at. She whisked her head to one side, then the other, examining the way her short, silky violet hair brushed her face. In spite of her large, clear amethyst eyes, porcelainesque skin, and delicate features, Raven knew she wasn't half as beautiful as Starfire. _Why do I suddenly care what I look like? It's never mattered before…_ Raven shook her head again, this time to clear her mind. _This day has been so weird. I hope I can get Starfire back to the Tower soon_.

Raven changed back into her cloak and sauntered out of the fitting room.

Starfire's face fell, her emeraldlike eyes baleful. "I did not get to see you in your new shirt."

"It doesn't really work with this." Raven held up a handful of her cloak.

"I have never seen you without it…I suppose I was merely curious." Starfire said absently.

_Whatever… _"We should pay for these." Raven held up the carefully folded Evanescence top. Starfire nodded wordlessly.

The two girls paid for their new tops. Kat rung them up. "See you picked out the new Evanescence shirt, Rae. Nice choice." Kat commented. She glanced at Starfire, who was still wearing the Sweetypuss T-shirt. "Much better." Kat looked back at Raven. "Bring her back sometime."

Raven and Starfire left, Raven quietly humming the tune that had gotten lodged in her head when they first entered the store.

_Good God have I been dreaming_  
_This paralyzing feeling  
__Was I left alone?  
__Where have you gone?  
__Are you somewhere else just sleeping?

* * *

_

Later, Raven sat in her room, hovering a few feet off the ground, meditating. Trying to erase the emotions that had surfaced during her mall trip with Starfire. Why had she agreed to that, anyway?

"Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath, Metrion, Zinthos. Azarath…"

There was a light knock on the door. Ordinarily, that wasn't enough to rouse Raven from her meditation, but she couldn't seem to attain the deep level of concentration she did ordinarily. "What?" There was an edge to her voice. _What is wrong with me today?_

"Raven? It is Starfire. May I please speak with you?"

"Come in." Raven said solidly, placing her feet on the floor.

Starfire was silent. "Did you just request that I enter…_your room?_"

"Yeah. Get in here."

_Did I just ask STARFIRE to come in my room? Well…I suppose I didn't want the boys to hear us talking. But still…this is my _room_. No one _ever_ comes in my room. Ugh, there really is something wrong with me_.

Raven ex

tended a wrist encased in her telepathic magic and slid the door open.

Cautiously, Starfire floated into Raven's room.

"Raven, I wish to talk to you…about what happened today."

"The Puppet Master?" Raven took a seat on her bed. Her hood had been up, but now she slipped it off.

"No…" Starfire sat down delicately next to Raven.

"What, when we went to the mall?"

Starfire nodded slowly. "Something…I felt something strange…when I was around you today. Strange…but pleasant. I do not know how to describe it. It was similar to how I feel around Robin…"

Gently, Raven placed her arm around Starfire's waist. Surprised, the alien leaned onto Raven, placing her cheek on top of the telekinetic girl's head. "Something that makes this feel really, really good?" Raven offered.

"Yes…" Starfire trailed off. "I feel…attached to you…do you understand that?"

"Yeah, Star." Even Raven was surprised by the softness in her tone. "I think I feel that way too." She leaned closer to Starfire and slipped her other arm around the Tamaranian princess' back.

Starfire sighed and hugged Raven fiercely, almost hard enough to hurt; but remembering what the smaller girl had "taught" her earlier, softened her grip. Finally. This was what she had been longing for all day; to be this close to the cold, bitter telepath, break her out of her shell, and to feel Raven's supple body against her. And maybe…maybe she would even get to see Raven smile.

Without any warning, Raven pulled away from Starfire's warm embrace.

"No…we can't do this." Raven tugged her hood up, hiding her plain face from Starfire. _She shouldn't even have to look at me, the half-demon rape child_.

"But Raven, why?" Starfire reached for her friend, but found her hand brushing Raven's dark magic shield.

"I can't believe this. We get switched to each other's bodies, get switched back, go to the mall once, and suddenly we're crazy about each other. Things don't work that way."

"Why not?" Starfire cried.

Raven glared coldly at the alien. "First, getting our souls moved around probably altered our emotions, maybe by causing a disturbance in our brains when we switched back. Second, you're a Tamaranian princess, and I'm a satanic hybrid who was only born because my demon father wanted his bloodline to continue." The empath turned away, pulling her cloak up with one hand to completely cover her face. "And third, no one could ever care about me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"That is not true!" Starfire wrapped her arms around Raven from behind. "You can sense the emotions of others! Can you not tell that I care for you?"

"I can sense it. But I don't think you mean it." For the second time, Raven pried herself from the Tamaranian's arms. "Go back to your room, Starfire. When you wake up tomorrow, you'll be embarrassed this ever happened."

Starfire began to cry softly. "Raven, do you truly believe that no one loves you?"

"Yes."

"But why? Your father's crime does not lessen you!"

"It makes me a half-demon rape child. Starfire, if you only knew what it's like to wake up every morning and know that I can't feel anything, because if I do, my powers will go out of control and I could _hurt_ somebody. And there are other things too…" Raven's voice cut off. "There are things about me that no one should ever know."

"But Raven, I have been you. This morning, I experienced the difficulties of controlling your powers." Starfire glanced at her hands. "I could never imagine suppressing my feelings the way you have to. And I wish I could help you!"

"There's nothing you can do, Starfire. There's nothing anybody can do. And it's not just controlling my powers. There's something that was seen in my future that hangs over my head every day."

"What is it? Please, Raven, tell me."

"I can't. I can't tell anyone. Did you have access to my memories when you were inside me today?"

"No. I did not."

"Good. You don't deserve to see some of the things in my head. The nightmares I get."

"Perhaps if I stayed with you, your nightmares would not plague you." Starfire suggested.

"I doubt it."

A heavy, uncomfortable silence hung in the dark room, as if the air had turned to gelatin. Neither girl moved. There was no motion at all, as if an icy hand had reached out and frozen the two Titans. The refrain that hadn't left Raven's mind since the mall trip strengthened:

_If I wait to wake you I'll never ask you  
Would you take my hand in the deepest end?  
Would you stay and drown in me?  
Take my hand in the deepest end  
My open eyes see everything_

Slowly, Starfire reached for Raven again, this time succeeding in pulling her into a compassionate hug. Starfire pushed Raven's hood down, stroking the telepath's soft hair. Raven groaned softly and gave in, throwing her arms around Starfire with startling intensity. A few spellbooks and novels shot off Raven's bookshelf, the pages ripping themselves out.

"Shhhh," Starfire whispered gently, rubbing Raven's back the way she had in Starbucks earlier. "I do not care if you are half a demon, Raven." As if to prove her point, the Tamaranian leaned down to kiss Raven's cheek. The shorter girl closed her eyes as Starfire pressed her face into the warm, welcome softness of Raven's neck.

Raven began caressing Starfire's long red mane. "I still don't know how you stand having this much hair, but it suits you."

After at least a full minute, Raven pulled away, but slowly, twining her fingers with Starfire's. "You should go. God only knows what the boys will say if they find out I let you in here."

Starfire hugged Raven briefly. "You are saying we should keep this a secret?"

"Probably…we'd never hear the end of it if we told them."

Starfire giggled. "Very well, I will not tell the boys." She got off Raven's bed and walked to the doorway, where she lingered for a few seconds. "Good night, dearest Raven."

Raven lay back onto her pillows as the song continued in her head:

_But I'm passing all the days through a windowpane  
__And as the scene would change __I'd stay the same  
__This paradise was nothing new  
__but the paradise gets tired of you  
__A single conversation  
__Stole my attention_

_Would you take my hand in the deepest end?  
Would you stay and drown in me?_  
_Take my hand in the deepest end  
__My open eyes see everything _

_My open eyes see everything  
__And you see nothing  
__And don't forget it_

_Take my hand in the deepest end  
__Would you stay and drown in me?_

Raven's lips assumed a content, unfamiliar, and very slight expression. _Yeah, I think she would_. "Good night, Starfire."


	2. Whisper

Stay and Drown

Chapter Two: Whisper

Summary: This chapter takes place after the ep _Birthmark_. Raven is relaxing when a casual conversation with Starfire turns into a confrontation over the real story of Raven's birth. And Raven is worried about Starfire's reaction to the truth.

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, there would be a way for Raven to force Trigon to leave her alone forever, Beast Boy would have a moped, Terra would be alive (but not paired off with Beast Boy), there would be more episodes with Blackfire in them, and Slade would NOT be working for Trigon. So needless to day, I don't own the show.

Pairings: RaeStar

Author's Notes: Still shoujo-ai, not as mild as the last one, but still tame. This one also has a song (doy): Evanescence's _Whisper_. See the episode _Birthmark _before reading the fic. And you know that room with the TV and the couch where Raven always reads while Beast Boy and Cyborg annoy her with their loud video games? Well, no one seems to know what it's really called, so I refer to it as the "common room." And this one is definitely darker than the other…Raven has a pretty scary vision.

Also, I apologize. I guess asking for five whole reviews was just too much, huh? OK, sarcasm aside, maybe I shouldn't have asked for more reviews, but since it was my first TT story I was hoping to be noticed. Okay…I was stalling for time because I was on vacation and didn't have access to a computer. But yeah, sorry. Really, I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Hope this chapter makes up for it.

This chapter is dedicated to RenegadePineapple, and all the people who got ticked off when I wanted a certain number of reviews before I'd update.

* * *

It was finger-numbingly cold outside Titans Tower.

It was late autumn; the air outside was frigid enough to stop the circulation in your feet and hands, but there was still no snow. This was the time of year when the griping public began sending letters about their tax dollars being used to heat an enormous tower populated by five adolescents. And most villains preferred to conduct their schemes in warm weather, so, according to disgruntled taxpayers, they were paying to let the Teen Titans sit in their cozy, warm tower, playing video games and _not_ performing public services. Of course, there was one villain who was plaguing the five teenagers.

Slade.

It had been just two weeks ago that Slade had returned from his grave of solidified lava to terrorize Raven with his "message" while the rest of the world stood still. The other Titans still didn't know why Raven's hair had been as long as Starfire's, or why her clothes had been brutally ripped off. And she wasn't telling. She hadn't even emerged from her room more than a handful of times; except, of course, to occasionally teleport to Starfire's room and crawl into bed with her, letting the Tamaranian girl's warm embrace quell the shivers brought on by tempestuous visions of hellfire and the twisted, obscene harmony of final screams.

At present, Raven was in the middle of one of her rare trips out of her bedroom. She was sitting cross-legged in front of the heating vent in a far corner of the Tower's common room. Not meditating, not even levitating, just sitting with her eyes closed and letting the warm wind lift the ends of her short hair.

Raven had been having trouble meditating lately. A deep state of meditation often catalyzed visions of hell's demons swarming from an otherworldly portal roiling with vicious flames; and Raven, twenty feet tall, black tendrils enveloping her body as she sprouted thick black wings and a forked tail, hovering before the portal with her clawed hands raised, four crimson eyes glowing wickedly as she welcomed the bringers of Armageddon.

At present, her best chance at controlling her powers was a lighter state of meditation, one almost anyone can achieve; a resting state of near-sleep, but clinging enough to the real world to dispel visions. Holding on to reality was sometimes difficult. Sometimes, Raven felt as if her link to the physical world relied on an outdated modem connection, and memories of her birthday were piped in through a DSL line.

There was a song that reminded Raven of her harrowing experience on that fated day, the anniversary of her birth. It was by one of her favorite bands, Evanescence, and its title was _Whisper_.

_Catch me as I fall  
__Say you're here and it's all over now_

If only someone could say it was all over. Just the first two lines described Raven's wishes: for some one to hold her close and whisper that nothing was wrong, Trigon would be stopped, Raven would never be forced to destroy the world. But of course, there were only three people anywhere near Raven who knew about the prophecy: Raven herself, Slade…and Trigon, Raven's demon father.

"Raven?"

The telepath's hair flew up behind her head, crackling slightly with her magic, as she jerked swiftly to face the person who had addressed her, half-expecting Slade, half-expecting…

It was Starfire.

Raven willed her racing heart to slow as she reached up to smooth her hair. "Star. I didn't know it was you."

Aside from the two girls, the common room was empty. Cyborg was tuning up the T-car, Robin was beating the daylights out of his training equipment, and Beast Boy was drooling over magazine pictures of sleek mopeds.

"May I join you?"

"Sure, Koriand'r." Raven used Starfire's real name only when she knew the boys weren't around. Even though it had been quite a stretch of time since the girls had switched bodies, they hadn't told the other Titans about their closer-than-teammates relationship. Raven had continued pretending that she was detached from everyone else, and Starfire had continued to feign a crush on Robin.

Starfire situated herself next to Raven and pulled the smaller girl close, wrapping her arms around Raven's back and rubbing her sides gently. Raven nuzzled the alien's shoulder, returning the embrace willingly. Starfire smelled like summertime. As long as those long, golden-skinned arms protected her, there was no Slade or Trigon. "Koriand'r." Raven's voice was soft as a prayer.

"I do not get to see you enough," Starfire murmured into the violet satin of Raven's hair. "Only at night, when your nightmares disturb you."

"I don't even know if they're nightmares. They might be visions. Of things that are actually going to happen." Raven's body shook and Starfire placed a lingering, soothing kiss on the nape of the half-demon's neck. The smaller girl sighed, placated by the touch of Starfire's lips.

"What happens in your visions?"

"I see…I see the end of the world. I can see the demons flying out of hell to destroy everything."

"But that must be terrifying!" Starfire cradled Raven closer.

"It is."

"Why do you see such horrible things?"

Raven closed her eyes. She knew that Starfire's arms were around her, but she could no longer feel them, could no longer inhale the taller girl's comforting scent. Starfire felt as far away as the depths of outer space. The haunting Evanescence song continued in her head:

_Speaking to the atmosphere  
__No one's here and I fall into myself_

Raven knew she couldn't tell the Tamaranian girl the truth about her birthday, about what was supposed to happen on that infamous day. She might end up terrified of Raven, at the bleak future that lay ahead of her, of the demon that was concealed in the very depths of Raven's soul. Starfire might be able to love a half-demon, but never one that was supposed to annihilate the material world. It wouldn't matter which of her friends Raven told about the prophecy; she knew none of them would stand by her and help her battle her way through such a hopeless situation. Or…maybe they would even see the fact that, no matter how she tried to avoid it, Raven was going to open a portal to Hell, and the only way to stop Raven from destroying the world was to destroy _her._

Raven tightened her arms around Starfire's neck, but could not feel the alien inside her hug.

"I can't tell you."

"Why not? Please, Raven, you can tell me anything."

"I don't want to share my visions with you, or the reason I get them. You might get nightmares too." Raven leaned back to lock eyes with Starfire. "I don't want you seeing the things I see. You don't deserve it, Koriand'r." She gently stroked Starfire's cheek with one finger, and this time, she could feel the warm skin beneath her hand.

Starfire closed her eyes briefly, but then opened them, her expression shifting to a tentative, inquiring one. She was about to ask Raven something.

"There is something else."

"What?" _Please, please don't be about my birthday._

But of course, it was. And Starfire had no way of knowing that the story behind Raven's visions and the story behind her birthday were one and the same. "Why does the day of your birth repulse you so? And what did Slade want with you?"

Raven shook her head slowly. _No. No, I can't tell her this. I can't tell her I'm going…no! I'm not going to! I'm supposed to destroy the world…_

_This truth drives me into madness  
__I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away_

"You don't want to know."

"Yes, I do," Starfire probed, massaging Raven's shoulders. "Please, I wish to know what troubles you so."

Raven pictured Starfire's horrified face when she learned the truth. Would she push Raven off her and run away, disgusted? Or would she simply scream?

"I can't tell you." Raven's voice cracked helplessly over the last word.

"Why?" the Tamaranian whispered.

"You would…think differently of me if I told you. You'd hate me."

Starfire kissed the empath's hair. "I would never hate you, dearest Raven."

How could Raven tell Starfire the truth? And again, how could she not? She loved Starfire, and Starfire trusted her. If Starfire learned the darker parts of Raven's history, she would—at the very least—be afraid. If Raven continued to conceal her past, she would lose Starfire's trust. No matter what Raven did, she couldn't win.

_Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain_  
_Don't try to hide  
__Though they're screaming your name_

The telepath couldn't hide from Starfire. No matter what her reaction would be, she deserved to know Raven's supposed future.

Inhaling deeply, and picturing Starfire shooting starbolts down her throat in terror and fury, Raven opened her mouth to confess her destiny. "When I was born, the priests of Azarath looked into my future. I was the child of one of the most dominating demons in existence. They knew something extraordinary would happen…" Raven swallowed. "And it will. They predicted that…" Raven took another breath. She had to say it. "What I have concealed I shall become—I'm going to assume the complete form of a demon. Skies will burn, flesh will become stone, the sun will set on the world, never to rise again." Raven trembled in Starfire's arms. "I'm supposed to open a portal to hell and lead all of the demons on a rampage that will destroy the physical world as we know it. My worst visions are of me turning Robin and Beast Boy and Cyborg…and…and you…into stone, inch by inch…" Raven buried her head in Starfire's shoulder, a single tear traversing her pale cheek. The redheaded girl gingerly brushed it away.

_Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them_  
_Don't turn out the light  
__Never sleep, never die_

"You…you are going to murder your friends? And me? And you are going to annihilate the world?"

Raven could hear, but only mistily. She could feel, but through many layers of confusion and fear. And what she felt was Starfire slowly unwrapping her arms from around Raven's waist.

"Yes…I mean…no! I'm going to do everything I can to stop it. I won't let it happen."

Starfire slowly moved away from Raven. The vent's warm flow of air had stopped, and with the absence of Starfire, Raven felt like ice. And not just her fingers and toes, either; her entire body was frozen. The cold bit her deeply, infecting her bones like a virus.

_I'm frightened by what I see  
__But somehow I know that there's much more to come  
__Immobilized by my fear  
__And soon to be blinded by tears_

Raven opened her eyes, gazing pleadingly at Starfire. _Don't push me away, help me. Koriand'r, I need you!_

Starfire blinked confusedly, once, twice, then spoke. "Is there a way to stop it?"

Raven bit her lower lip. "I'm not sure."

Cautiously, Starfire reached out to place one palm on Raven's cheek. Raven seized Starfire's hand helplessly. The alien did not let go. "But…when I visited the future after the battle with Warp, you had not destroyed the world."

Raven laughed bitterly. "Then maybe I have to go insane. Maybe you and the others should kick me into the street with no one to turn to so I'll start seeing things and be too messed up for my father's influence to take over me."

The taller girl gently placed her hand on the crown of Raven's head, resting her other hand in the small of the telepathic girl's back. And then she leaned forward to gently place her lips against Raven's.

Raven made a sound between a whimper and a groan as she felt Starfire's warm lips caress hers. She reached out to stroke the alien's back with both shaking hands as she felt the warmth return to her body.

Starfire hugged Raven tighter and tucked the smaller girl's head under her chin. "We would never do that to you. We will find a way to stop your terrible destiny."

"Besides forcing me to go insane or killing me?"

"_Killing_ you? No! Never!"

"Well, I'm sure that's what Robin would think. Omit a threat before it has a chance to hurt you. It's a fighter's technique."

"No one will harm you, dearest Raven. I will not allow it."

The empath gripped Starfire hard enough to hurt. "Thank you."

"I love you, Raven."

"Right back at you, Koriand'r." Raven's lips brushed Starfire's neck. "If…if I tell the others, what do you think they'll do?"

"They will try to help you. They are your friends. None of them care for you the way I do, but they will never harm you."

Raven nodded wordlessly. Starfire was right; Raven might sometimes feel left out by the other Titans, but really, they would still help her if she needed it.

The ever-inquisitive Starfire had another question. "But how does Slade know of your future?"

"I think Trigon resurrected him." Raven squeezed her eyes shut. "I think my father resurrected him and told him what I'm supposed to do. Slade is my father's messenger now. That's why he can control fire; that's a demon's power. I'm sure my father gave it to him. And he's immortal; that's why he didn't die when Robin broke his neck."

"So now you have your father Trigon and Slade after you? Oh, Raven…" Starfire shook her head with her face still nestled in Raven's hair.

_I can stop the pain if I will it all away  
__If I will it all away_

_Don't turn away  
__Don't give in to the pain  
__Don't try to hide  
__Though they're screaming your name_

"My father isn't just a demon, he's one of the most powerful demons known, and one of the most ruthless. He killed my mother. He'll do anything to make me fulfill my destiny."

"We will stop him. _I_ will stop him myself if I must!"

"It'll take more than a few starbolts."

"I do not care! I won't allow anything to happen to you."

Raven sighed. "I know you want to help, Koriand'r…"

"If your father's ability to control you is dependent on your emotions, is it not easier to defend yourself against him if you have…strong positive emotions?"

"If you mean the fact that I love you, I don't know. Maybe." She nudged Starfire's shoulder and groaned softly. "In Azar's name, I hope so."

_Don't close your eyes  
__God knows what lies behind them  
__Don't turn out the light  
__Never sleep, never die_

"Please relax, Raven. It distresses me to see you so upset. Would you like me to give you a Tamaranian stress-relief massage?"

"Just don't hurt me."

Starfire smiled lightly. "You have taught me how to be gentle."

So Raven lay on her stomach, while Starfire placed one knee on either side of Raven's hips to lean over and firmly rub the Azarathean's backbone. Raven let out a hushed moan, and Starfire stopped. "Am I injuring you?"

"No, keep going."

The beautiful golden-skinned alien continued to soothingly press her hands into Raven's back, enjoying the gentle motion of the smaller girl's shoulders shifting as she responded to Starfire's touch. The Tamaranian giggled at the low, content little noises Raven made in the back of her throat.

"You are enjoying this?"

"Mmm…"

Raven closed her eyes, thoroughly liking the sensation of Starfire's strong hands massaging her sides. Starfire was right; it was definitely stress-relieving.

But of course, it couldn't last. Starfire had another query.

"Raven, there is something else that worries me."

"What?" Raven asked warily.

"Why was your hair long…that day? And why were your clothes nearly gone? Did…did Slade…?"

"No." Raven said shortly. "He tore my clothes off so he could burn my father's symbols into my skin. And he forced my hair to grow to the length a demon's hair should be. I guess he thought…that maybe I'd realize that…there isn't any escaping my heritage." _What you have concealed…_

_No! Relax. Don't pay attention to anything but Koriand'r._

Reflexively, and perhaps assisted by the relaxing effect of Starfire's hands on her back, Raven slipped into meditation. Slowly her senses dissipated: taste, smell, hearing, touch. She was floating in velvet blackness. A state of negativity, of nothingness.

But she could smell smoke. And, faintly, she could hear a far-off, keening sound…a sound of human screams. _No…_

The world was burning.

_Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear_

Hell's finest swept through the bloodstained sky, howling their unearthly wails. Flames roared like an army of voracious lions. And everywhere, everywhere were humans scurrying helplessly, with nowhere to go.

Raven threw her wiry black arms skyward and unleashed her fatal curse.

The screams of terror crescendoed like an alien chorus as the damned people saw their bodies making the deadly transformation into lifeless statues. They cried hopelessly and senselessly, faces robbed of anything human, melted into masks of fear.

One voice she could hear above the rest.

"Raven! Please, stop!"

A girl, not human, crawling on the roof of a tipped steel building, one leg snapped ruthlessly below the knee. The stricken mortal was reaching up shakily to the floating demon.

Raven swooped to the girl and clamped long, icy fingers around the small neck.

"Who are you to call me Raven? Raven is dead. I am Metrion, and I will kill all of you."

The helpless girl choked, held aloft by the demon. "It is I, Koriand'r! Please, stop this!" She gagged, her eyes widening to an impossible size.

"Mortals are worthless," Raven hissed in a voice too deep and layered to be human. "You all must die." She opened her fingers, releasing her prey.

The Tamaranian's scream pierced the sky as her feet lost their feeling, became cold and hard as stone. The lethal magic crept with agonizing slowness up her legs, freezing her knees. The broken limb stayed locked at a bizarre, sickening angle.

"Raven! Please!"

Raven hungrily sank pointed teeth into the base of the doomed girl's neck, lapping up the sweet blood, enjoying the taste of her quarry's suffering.

_She beckons me shall I give in?  
Upon my end shall I begin?  
Forsaking all I've fallen for I rise to meet the end_

"Raven!"

Not a voice of terror, but one of concern. Raven felt herself being shaken. The scene of death and flames was replaced by Starfire, who was gently stroking Raven's cheek where she had slapped her to wake her from her vision.

"You were shaking," Starfire said softly. "I could not wake you."

"Koriand'r." Raven rasped. "You're alive."

"Yes. Did you…kill me in your vision?"

Instead of replying, the Azarathean turned onto her back and threw her arms around her girlfriend's neck.

"I promise, I will never let any of these visions come true." Raven whispered.

"I know." Starfire murmured.

"Thank you," the smaller girl breathed simply.

"You are forever welcome."

_Don't turn away  
__Don't give in to the pain  
__Don't try to hide  
__Though they're screaming your name  
__Don't close your eyes  
__God knows what lies behind them  
__Don't turn out the light  
__Never sleep, never die_

"Dude, Rae, Star, what're you doing?" The voice belonged to Beast Boy.

Raven suddenly realized that she was lying _underneath_ Starfire. "I had a vision. I guess Starfire had a hard time waking me up."

"Yeah, I heard Starfire yelling." Beast Boy blinked. "So are you two, like, gay?"

Starfire hastily got up and Raven rolled onto her stomach.

Cyborg and Robin strode in. "Yo, what's up?" The Titans' tallest member demanded.

"Starfire, Raven, what is going on?" Robin repeated, sounding annoyed at being undermined.

Raven stood and slipped her hand into Starfire's. "We have something to tell you."

Starfire's eyelids fluttered twice. "But, Raven, you said…"

"We have to tell them sometime," Raven cut her off, and turned to face the boys. "I'm in love with Starfire," she explained flatly, as if she was saying something as commonplace as "the sky is blue."

"Starfire, is this true?" Robin queried. Starfire nodded jauntily.

Cyborg nudged Beast Boy with one elbow. "Pay up, grass stain."

"Aw, MAN!" The shape-shifter groaned, digging in his pockets for money.

"What?" Raven's eyes narrowed.

"I bet Cyborg you wouldn't hook up with any of the other Titans." Beast Boy said glumly. "Obviously I didn't think you'd end up with Starfire."

"None of us did." Robin's brow furrowed. "Starfire, how long has this…been going on?"

"Since the Puppet Master incident." Raven responded before Starfire could say anything.

The alien nodded affirmatively. "I am sorry, Robin, but…" she wrapped Raven in a possessive hug. "I love Raven."

Robin dipped his head once. "As long as you're happy, Starfire."

Suddenly Beast Boy yelped. "Dude, Raven, check out your threads!"

All five Titans stared: Raven's clothes were becoming lighter, as if the sun had bleached them. Gradually, the violet-eyed girl's ensemble was shifted form ebony and cobalt to stark, pure white.

Starfire let out a long, joyful squeal and swung Raven in a circle. "Koriand'r…choking…not breathing!" the telepath gasped.

"What just happened?" Robin raised an eyebrow…or at least, one half of his mask.

Raven held up a handful of her cloak. (Starfire had set her down.) "When my father's influence can no longer affect me, my clothes turn white. Apparently, that can happen when I have…" She cut her eyes at Starfire. "'…strong positive emotions.'"

Once again, Starfire screamed happily, and swept Raven into another bone-crushing hug.

"Starfire, she can't breathe!" shouted the three male Titans at once.

_Servatis a periculum  
Servatis a maleficum  
Servatis a periculum  
Servatis a maleficum_

* * *

Fin. Hope you liked it! BTW, the translation of the Latin at the end of "Whisper" is "deliverus from danger, deliver us from evil." 


	3. Preview

Stay and Drown

Author's Note: All right, this isn't really _Stay and Drown_, it's a preview of another RaeStar I might write (I haven't come up with a title yet). If you like, tell me. If I'm going to make a fool or myself with this next story, also, tell me. (Please.)

Summary: It's finally happened. Robin has asked Starfire out. But we all know how obsessive (and possessive?) Robin can get. And Raven might be…jealous? Possible shoujo-ai.

Pairings: RobStar, maybe RaeStar later

Note: This scene takes place after Robin and Starfire's first date. Raven has sensed that Starfire is afraid and decides to check it out.

* * *

When Raven walked into Central Operations, even she, the ice queen, had trouble not letting out a startled gasp.

Robin was gripping the front of Starfire's silk dress, speaking to her in a low voice—almosta growl—that sounded patently furious. Starfire was reaching up, trying to calm Robin, to persuade him to let go of her. Her aura was tainted with waves of fear. Robin's, on the other hand, was baking in fury.

"Something wrong?" Raven queried, stating the obvious.

"Starfire and I need to talk," Robin replied woodenly. Starfire made a sound that might have been conjectured as a whimper.

"Maybe you should talk when you've calmed down a little bit," Raven fractionally raised an eyebrow. "You're scaring Starfire."

"How do you know?" Robin snapped.

In reply, Raven simply tapped one temple with a pair of fingers.

"Fine. We'll talk about this later," Robin said roughly, letting go of the front of Starfire's dress and stalking off.

Starfire leaned against the wall, trembling slightly, rearranging the mussed scoop neck of her dress. "Robin frightens me so when he's like this." She turned to the side, pressing her arms and her face to the cold white surface, as if that could placate her shaking.

"You can hug me instead of the wall, if you want," Raven commented in her usual monotone.

Starfire obeyed, throwing her arms around the telepath hard enough to break ribs. Raven lightly ran a hand over the alien's shoulder blades, trying to soothe her.

"Robin's just in a bad mood," Raven informed Starfire matter-of-factly. "He'll come around." She hesitated. "He loves you." Her last words were said rather quietly.

"Are you sure?" Starfire inquired.

"Yes." Raven could feel the alien's breath gently flutter her hair. She swallowed, finding herself unable to resist resting her head on the alien's shoulder. Starfire laid her cheek against the smaller girl's forehead, still shaking lightly.

_What did Robin_ do_ to her?_ Raven wondered.

"But Raven, Robin claimed I was 'flirting' with a waiter. I haven't seen him so angry since he believed Slade was attacking him. You don't believe…you don't believe Robin would hurt me, do you?"

"He might be angry for a little while, but once you explain…what did happen anyway?"

Raven felt Starfire shake her head. "I…I am not sure. The waiter set down the glasses of water and winked at me. I thought I should be friendly, so I smiled and waved back. For the rest of the dinner, Robin continued…questioning me…about it, and I thought I convinced him I was merely being gracious. But when we left, the waiter called me 'sweet stuff,' and I giggled, and Robin…Robin became very angry."

Raven sighed. "He's being even more touchy than usual. He'll come around."

Starfire exhaled gustily and let go of the empath. "Thank you, friend Raven. Of course, you're right." She gave Raven another quick hug. "You're such a wonderful friend!" she squealed, back to her old self again. Raven felt the soft warmth rise deep in her abdomen again at the sight of Starfire's smile. She glanced away.

"Yeah. It's nothing. That's what friends are for." Raven knew she sounded flat and impersonal. It didn't matter, though; Starfire was already waltzing off. She had just needed Raven to convince her that everything would be just fine between her and Robin. Which, of course, it would be, and Raven would remain wallpaper as far as Starfire was concerned.

Starfire floated off to her room to change, leaving Raven standing alone in Ops.


End file.
